Child Training
 

Whether we hear it from Solomon in Proverbs 22:6, Train up a child in the way (course of life) he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it…,” or, from Brother Branham: “…They're little treasures that God has given you the responsibility of raising… So the responsibilities is placed upon you mothers and you fathers to raise these children for the Kingdom of God. And I'm sure that's your heart's desire... (True Easter Seal) there is a responsibility given to us from God to raise our children correctly!

What an awesome task. I distinctly remember that when all my children arrived on this earth, none of them came with instructions on how to raise them for the glory of God. Yet that is an indisputable command of Scripture. Consistent with God’s commands, He never requires anything from us that is impossible to fulfill. He always provides the means to accomplish His perfect will. Otherwise, He would be defeating His purpose.

So how do we raise or train up a child in the right way in such a corrupt and anti-Christian environment? It is incumbent upon all parents to realize that if you do not take on the responsibility of parenting, no one else will do the job for us in the way you could have. God chose to give your children into your charge for the most important years of their life and it is not possible to hand them over to anyone else and achieve the same results. There is also no guaranteed outcome. We can do our best and some kids will always seem to stray away. We can see also that many kids will turn into God-fearing and responsible adults despite our failures and shortcomings through the parenting years.

It’s also important for us to decide early in the process where we are going to get our advice on raising children. I feel it is important not to take our cues from the cosmos around us. They do not share our values, and priorities, nor have the same approach concerning discipline, morals, courtship or family life. If God gives the responsibility, look to His Word for direction.

Let’s examine Proverbs 22:6 and see what Solomon’s advice means to us today. First of all, this is a specific truth stated as a commandment to parents, with a promise that you can claim. That means there is a part for us to do and a part we can trust God for! I am glad it is not all up to us. We have been given the job of “dedicating” our children which is the true meaning of the word “train.” A good example of the definition of that word is found in Deut. 20:5, “And the officers shall speak unto the people, saying, What man is there that hath built a new house, and hath not dedicated it? let him go and return to his house, lest he die in the battle, and another man dedicate it.” It was considered a disgrace for a man of Israel to die in battle, never having set his house in order. That is the same word that Solomon used concerning child training and we do that best by prayer, by example, by not only restraining them from their own impulses but by putting them on and keeping them on the right road. We try to establish and reinforce patterns of life such as cleanliness, work, a knowledge of handling money, responsibility and respect. Watch any child who has training in these areas and he learns a respect for God and for the things of God.

In the old days, mothers introduced their children to “grown up” food by chewing up their food and taking their index finger and wiping the roof of their own mouth. They would then wipe the food on the roof of the baby’s mouth. This gave the babies an introduction to what they would be feeding on as they grew older. It makes good Biblical sense to take some of the spiritual food that a godly mother will feed on and introduce it to their children, put it in their mouth also. It goes without saying that mothers have to be feeding on the right things themselves! So child training begins at the earliest stage of life. In other words, if you think your children are too young, think again, and start today. They are born with a fallen nature no matter how cute and cuddly they may look and they came without a conscience. They need to learn the ways of right and wrong.

The word “discipline” comes from the “disciple” or one who is taught. When our children have questions, answer them on the appropriate level for their age and maturity. As we show them from the Bible or the Message what the standard is on a particular question, we are making disciples of them. But remember there are some lessons best learned with a little force or pain attached to them. Corporal punishment, in proportion to the crime committed, is sound Bible teaching. (Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him; 23:13  Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die; 23:14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell; 29:15  The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.)  Remember that discipline is applied in love, not anger. Recall how your heavenly Father deals with you, not in harsh or legalistic ways, but in love and with a motive to train us to get things right.

Age appropriate punishment is important. Spanking older kids (young teens, for example) often can will breed rebellion. But withholding the family car from the toddlers doesn’t mean very much either! Tailor the correction to force the offender to think on his ways, and apply the “rod” fairly and quickly. Perhaps the greatest cause of tension and disorder in the home is a lack of a true relationship of trust between children and their parents. I reinforce to my boys all the time that I am in this relationship for the long haul, I will be there for them and do my part with God’s help but that they are also expected to do their part and live up to the reasonable expectations that are placed upon them. This relationship of trust has to begin early, the earlier the better and it will reap great rewards when kids enter the wild and wonderful world of adolescence. We do not lose our kids because there is not enough looseness. Nor do we hold onto our kids by looseness. And there can be reasonable boundaries established without legalism. I find in my travels abroad and talking with many teens, they really do want to know what is right and what God expects of them. But beside just knowing the rules, they want to see their parents and authorities live those same guidelines before them.

So child training involves putting children on the right road and keeping tem there. How do kids get off the path?

1) Parent’s own weaknesses and failures. If a parent has a weakness (bad temper, unforgiving spirit, dishonest heart, etc.) it is very hard to correct those same traits in our children. It is a whole lot easier to wear the “godly look” in church every Sunday than it is to live like a hypocrite in front of your family at home every day. You cannot talk your way out of a situation you behaved yourself into! The best way to teach is by example, and sometimes that may require words. If we are not careful, we tend to let those weaknesses slip by because we choose to leave them uncorrected in our own lives. We are then setting our children up for failure.

We can also over-compensate in our children’s lives for the things we experienced in our own childhood. “I never had many toys when I was a child,” or “I always had to do chores when I was young.” If we are not careful, we can swing too easily to the other extreme and spoil our children in our land of plenty. Chores, responsibilities and saving for special things is still very much good advice. 

2) Extended Family and Neighbors. It is unfortunate, but we must stay alert to extended family members (cousins, aunts, uncles, neighbors, etc.) and their influence on our children. Watch always to be sure that the extended family do not undermine the principles by which your family operates. Ideally, you want your extended family to undergird the standards and to prevent double standards. Sometimes you just have to insist (sweetly) on the right to maintain consistency in the lives of your children.  

3) Friends. This subject is very sensitive in our culture because young people are so focused on their friends and fail to realize that they are so vulnerable to influence at the early stages of life. Wrong associations can pull a child down faster than most other things in life. Having friends is a privilege in our home and we insist on knowing who our boys are with and were they are at all times. It takes character to recognize character in another. So the first chore is build character into your child so they can recognize good character in other youth. This becomes critical when they enter the courtship years. Solomon wrote: As in water face answereth to face, so the heart of man to man. (Prov. 27:19) In the same way that water reflects the face of the person looking into it, what is in your heart is reflected by the company you keep. When our children were young and being home schooled, we allowed them to participate in activities that we could all participate in as a family, until they gradually became older and earned more freedoms with age and maturity. But it is incumbent on parents to never forget how quickly young people can be influenced.

4. Jobs. Once kids get older, the desire to work and have funds and a little independence is very normal. However, every new atmosphere has its own set of standards (or lack thereof.) No job is worth hanging onto that causes kids to compromise standards such as dress, attending church, the boundaries concerning mixed company. I feel it is not a bad thing for young people to hold a job outside the home at the appropriate age, especially for boys. But it is important to “launch” them with some good basic skills reinforced because this will be a major test of their new independence. For instance, there are many traps to fall into when it comes to money and they need to learn how to handle the resources they earn. Putting God first is always the priority and guard against easy access to credit cards and car loans. The rule that is best learned early is to never live beyond their means. Teach kids early about the virtues of working hard, following directions and following a schedule. A Believer ought to be the best worker on the job!

Watch for the tempter, he knows all the ways to break all the rules. The tempter knows how to pressure the boys and girls with immoral opportunities. Train kids with a clear understanding of the boundaries for Christian marriage and reinforce often that it is very clear in God’s eyes that Believers and unbelievers don’t “get involved.”

How soon do we begin this child training God’s way? Today. So that when he is old, he will not depart from it. David wrote many years ago in Ps. 144:11-12  Rid me, and deliver me from the hand of strange children, whose mouth speaketh vanity, and their right hand is a right hand of falsehood; That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace…”  His prayer was that his sons would be strong, powerful, doing great things for God in their youth. And that his daughters would be like the corner stones in a beautiful palace. This just will not happen automatically for anyone’s children. We must make conscious and deliberate plans as early as possible in the lives of our children to raise then according to God’s principles. May we dedicate our hearts to that awesome task with the help of our God!

Barry Coffey